Being alone with my thoughts isn't the best.

This post was originally created on Sunday 2nd July. Everything that I've written in this post really happened and has not been created for views. I shouldn't have to justify myself but as I'm posting this at such a later date it makes sense to do so. I fought with myself in regards to releasing this but the world needs to know the real me. Hope it doesn't make you too worried... I'm doing much better now if you wanted to know, anyway I'll let you get to it. Thanks.
I'm not even going to beat around the bush with this blog post, it makes 10x more sense to just get straight into it. I'm actively choosing to stay single until someone can prove to me otherwise that I should change my mind. I've spoken about relationships and me being single in the past so if you're new here I suggest that you go through my blog first otherwise this post won't make any sense to you.

I've been single since March 2016 and it's now August 2017. That's quite a long gap and I don't think I would change the decision of ending my relationship - however, I'm not here to talk about that. I've been hurt, really hurt previously and it's taken a lot of me to give up on actively meeting and getting to know new people. I haven't physically dated anyone since breaking up with my ex, however, I'm not saying I haven't been talking with guys. To me, dating means actively taking the time go out and get to know each other whereas just talking literally states what is says. I'm just talking to you with no means of bothering to go out and get to know you.

Since February 2017, I decided to give love a chance again and see what happens (how ironic as this is the month of love basically). Now the question is was I even ready? I don't think I can go through this anymore, I thought I was ready but clearly, I wasn't. If you know me well you know that I can easily care for you so fast and will never stop caring about someone especially if they've done me wrong. It's one of my greatest weaknesses. This post is so RAW because I'm sitting here crying at my laptop screen, wiping my face and trying to get everything that's in my head down onto this blog post just so I can have a good night's sleep which is something I've been struggling for the past week.

Crying makes me feel so weak and my loved ones are telling me to be strong but it's hard to be just that when you think so low of yourself. It's all coming out now and frankly, I don't care anymore. As I sit here typing this sentence, in my head all I want to do is shut off from everyone and everything.

I just had a panic attack, goodnight.

"Let my struggles turn into something greater."


No comments