No one tells you how to be Single again - why?


So glad that I've finally had the courage to post this on my blog. I'm not asking for an information pack, but a rough guide to dealing with the aftermath of a mutual break-up would be handy if it was available. I've avoided talking about this subject for a while because I'm a lil' sensitive when it comes to relationships, but I can't keep my thoughts from you all anymore. It's time to admit that I've been struggling, quite a lot in fact.

It's been almost a year since I broke up with my ex-boyfriend and what a year it's been. Pretty much anyone who has come out of a relationship tells me that it sucks, but then they get into another relationship as soon as it's possible for them to do so - why? Whereas me, that's what I'm afraid of doing right now. I'm not as scared of relationships as I used to be, but the thought of getting into one and being in love again makes me feel... well weird. I'm not sure as to why but falling in love all over again doesn't make me feel as secure as it used too.

Don't get me wrong, I've had a few guys make themselves known to me but I've pretty much dismissed it all unless I wanted to pursue them, which rarely happened. I just don't feel in the right mindset to start all over again due to the fears of being let down again. What I would like to know is how to "cope" after a breakup. No one and I mean no one talks about the changes you go through when becoming single again. I felt like I lost who I was for a while because going from talking to someone pretty much 24/7, 7 days a week to not hearing back from them at all is a pretty big deal. This completely threw me and I started seeking comfort from anyone who was willing to hear my side of the story and how I felt about it all.

My ex & I are friends and before anyone comes for me and says how is that possible just know that it can be done. Considering the terms that we (well I should say I) ended our relationship, it was hard to make it work but it does. A lot of people lock off their ex due to not being together anymore but I shared a year of my life with someone that I loved. How is it so easy for others to disregard that person after everything you've been through? At the beginning of our relationship, I always stated that "if we ever broke up I would want us to still remain friends regardless of what happens". Believe me when I say it wasn't easy but I'm proud of myself that I stuck to the promise that I made at the beginning.

Being single now has had it's difficulties and as naive as I am, I've trusted way too many people after moving on from said relationship. I'm still working on myself and will continue to do so. No man will come first anymore until I know I'm right with myself. If I'm being honest with you guys, yes I miss the affection, love and security of a relationship but being the strong woman that I am, I've learned to live without it and I'm stronger than I've ever been. I was happy then and I'm happy now. It's a lot of self-love that requires practice when changing your relationship status and in my heart, I've coped a bit better than what I was expecting to. I wouldn't change my past relationship or the choices that I made afterwards at all. It was something that I had to do in order to gain the knowledge that I have now.

Going back to the main topic of why no one tells you to be single, I think it's because no one knows what to do. I'm glad that I didn't search for a new relationship like others have done - no shade. By not doing so I got to know myself all over again. People are so afraid to be alone, but it is the loneliness that helps you find your inner strength, self-worth and self-love. All the struggles and the down days that I faced were worth it to be where I am now. It was tough, but it was the tough kinda love that I needed.

"I'm strong enough to wait for what I deserve."

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4 comments

  1. definitely important to learn how to be right with yourself and comfortable in your own ability to make yourself happy before being in a relationship!

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    1. It's so important to take this on board! A lot of us girls forget this and get lost so easily. It took me a while to regain full happiness in myself, but I'm so glad I took the time to make myself happy again and not left it for someone else to do! Beautifully said cuz! x

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  2. Lovely post hun, although I haven't been in relationship before I can totally relate with learning how to be okay on your own. Some of us girls are terrified of it but I think it's so important for us to be strong enough to do it xoxo

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    1. Awww sis thanks for reading. Yeah honestly, some people forget to look after number one and get lost after coming out of a relationship. I had no one to turn too but myself, so I had a lt to learn. It was damn scary to face it alone but it's a must, in order to be 100% happy you have to be happy with yourself first before being willing to share that with anyone else xxx

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