When You’re a Child of Divorce.


I originally wanted to title this blog "How You Love Differently When You’re a Child of Divorce" but as this is the title of another blogpost, I thought it would be easier to shorten it to this instead.
*Sensitive Discretion Advised*

My parents are divorced.
(Yeah that's a good enough opening line).

I've NEVER spoken about this in-depth before, but it's about time I began to express how my parent's situation altered the way I grew up in life - don't worry mum and dad it's all good. I have no intentions on going into how/why my parents got divorced as not only is that a family matter, but it's a personal matter and I'd like to keep it that way. I've told maybe like 3-4 people the actual FULL story and the rest of my friends just know the basics depending on what questions they ask me. Anyway. Yeah so they're divorced and I live at my family home with my mum and siblings - the norm.

Having your parents divorced and not living together seemed like a perfectly normal thing to me when I was younger. I'm only saying this because my dad was away overseas for work, so primarily I was always used to my mum being the main parent around. The times when my dad came home, it made my days 10x better as two parents are better than one am I right? When I started secondary school is when I began to see my dad less and less. At first, I didn't realise how impacting it would be him not seeing me grow up and start a brand new school, but I remember emailing him all the time when I was younger telling him all the new updates about secondary school life.

Roughly pinpointing a time frame for you guys, it was around year 9 was when it all happened. This was a tough year for me as this is when I started my options as we call it in the UK and I had picked all creative subjects so coursework was one of my main priorities. So yeah, one night my mum tells me everything that has happened between her & my dad and that they were separating. To this day, I have no idea why I had no reaction to this. I pretty much just took in the information and went to bed as it was a few hours after dinner that the news was passed onto my brother and me.

So yeah I was still going to school, living the ordinary life and then having to go back home knowing that my dad wouldn't be coming back anymore. I hated being around people in school who protested that they hate their dad for not letting them have this or do that etc. All I could think to myself was that "at least you have both your parents around". For AGES I would never understand why my friends weren't grateful for having both their parents at home as whenever my mum & I argued, I couldn't turn to another adult for comforting. During the separation process, I had the option talk to my dad but as I was too scared to listen to what he had to say, the best way that I could deal with this was to shut him out. At least a year (give or take) went by that we didn't engage in conversation until I forced myself to get some answers. I was so terrified to see him after so long and boy did I cry my eyes out when I did. So much weight was lifted off my shoulders and I knew that from then on our relationship took a turn for the better. I knew it was going to be hard, but a girl needs her daddy and lord knows I needed and wanted mine. When the divorce was finalised. I felt like this day came around so quickly and poof, it was done. My parents were no longer together. That decision has definitely made them much happier and that's all I could ever ask for... is for them to be happy.

After adjusting to not having my dad around, it took me a while to realise that he missed A LOT of my childhood milestones. He missed my prom, gaining my GCSE results, getting into sixth form and receiving my results from said sixth form. It wasn't until I received a place at University that my communication with my dad escalated rapidly as this was an important milestone in my life that I did not want him to miss. Most of the time speaking to my mum wasn't enough for me. I needed my dad around to get his perspective on things whilst growing up and unfortunately for me I didn't have it. I didn't have a father figure to tell me what's right and what's wrong in life. Even though I had my mum, I craved my dad's opinion more and not gaining it ended up in me having a rocky few years of my life (until we got back in touch once again). It's hard wanting someone who you couldn't talk too. I wasn't ready to start speaking again and when I finally was, I had no way of starting up a conversation as it was so difficult just saying hi. The struggle was really real.

Having an absent father doesn't mean he'll remain absent forever. I fought for our relationship and look where it is now. Weekly phone calls, texts and we meet up from time to time. He even gave me his car keys and allowed me to drive his car around no questions asked when I saw him last. I love both my parents regardless of them not being together. Both of them mean a lot to me and even though their divorce altered the way I grew up it happened to enhanced my outlook on life. Not every relationship is perfect and some don't work out in the end, but that's okay. It's okay to go off route and to live your life the way you want too. Being a child of divorce made me who I am today and I wouldn't want to ever go back and change that.

"It's the difficult choices that happen to bring us to the right ones."

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