Why loving yourself FIRST is a major key.

I have been debating on releasing this blogpost for so long and I think now is the perfect time to do so. With my birthday coming up in 9 day's time, I've obviously been thinking about myself (shocker) and coming up with some plans that I wanna do to will celebrate my 21st birthday!

The past 6 months have really made me look at how I appreciate myself. It's not been easy and it will never be easy. Beginning to love yourself sounds so simple, but on this journey you've got a lot of battles to face when doing so. One of the first steps that I needed to take was to put myself first - which is something that I never do. I'm not even exaggerating; I hate putting myself first unless I have no choice but too. I don't like it because I know others need my help first and I like making people happy, but due to my happiness decreasing to an all time low a few months ago, I had to step back and re-evaluate what came first - my happiness or someone else's?

The decision that I chose to pursue was my happiness. By choosing this decision, I felt selfish and cruel. For all the years that I put others first, I chose myself and it felt weird. Some days I would feel happy and other days all I could think about is calling up the people who needed me and jump straight back into their lives again. But I didn't, I didn't conform. Instead I decided to get to know myself again. Repeating this back, I thought I knew who I was. Clearly I didn't. I was in a stage of what I thought was "happiness" but behind closed doors I was miserable to say the least. If you know me quite well, you know that I don't know how to deal with my emotions or when I try to it's perceived in the wrong way. I can easily put on a smile with friends and "have the best time of my life" while inside I'm ready to head home and cry to myself for no reason. It's happened before and it can easily happen again.

For a VERY long time, I thought that other people were the problem. I thought that they were the reason as to why I had issues with myself. I couldn't pin point who it was that made me feel low... and then it hit me. I was the issue. I wasn't happy with myself and even though I distanced myself from others, it still helped but it didn't completely 'solve' my issues. This is when I knew that I had lost the love for myself and in order to restore this I had to go back and re-learn to love myself all over again. I can't say that I've completely done it and I'm back to my old self again, but I'm back and I'm better (hehe thanks Bryson). I'm still working on me and I knew it wasn't going to be an overnight thing, so the fact that it is taking longer than expected is actually really beneficial for me. I love the fact that I can see myself in a new light and I'm learning to appreciate all the little things once again.

This is one of my new favourite sayings. (Loving Bitmoji on Snapchat lately!)

I took this picture a while ago and posted it on my snapchat because this is how I truly felt. This is a page from my blogger book and I felt a light bulb go off. Why do I find it so difficult to do me first and put others second? People don't realise that you can't function without putting yourself first. It took me almost 21 years of my life to make this change, but hey better late than never. I've always thought of others first & how they adapt to changes in situations and then I would see how I fit in and adjust it from there. Why is it now that I'm realising that this was a complete waste of time? It's so weird thinking back to the numerous amount of times that I sacrificed my own happiness just to put a smile on someone else's face. Like the people I did all this for would NOT do it for me (apart from a selected few who are in my life and some who are a work in progress).

Going back to the main point because I'm slowly drifting onto another topic like I always do. Love yourself first, forever and always. Regardless of whoever is in your life - you come first and others come second. It is only you that can make yourself 100% happy, it's not someone else job to do so. Happiness is a major key to take into consideration in life and if you mess around with it, it effects so much more than you anticipated. It links into loving yourself purely because if you love yourself, you'll live a happy life. Get what I'm saying? Cause at the moment I'm just piecing sentences hoping that people understand what I'm trying to explain. Feel free to hit me up on any of my social media accounts if you wanna discuss this matter further on - cheers ♡.

"F.L.Y = First Love Yourself. Others will come next."

Even though I didn't touch on the topic of being single at all in this blogpost, it is somewhat implied within my text :)


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