TAKING A BREAK.

So I assume that you can already guess what this post is about by the title. I am going away for a 4-week work placement starting next week and because of this I will not have any time to blog as frequently as I do. The other reason why I'm not planning on publishing posts whilst away is because I plan to leave my laptop at home.

WHAT.

Crazy, yes I know.

 I take my laptop EVERYWHERE with me so this will be different. It's going to be weird to not even be able to draft a blog to publish for when I get back.

So just to make sure you are all aware that this blog will be very inactive for a while which kinda sucks but hey I gotta work and that's a priority of mine. Bearing this in mind, I did think about trying to write up loads of blogs in this week to have them ready to post for when I come back, but I just think that I need to come away from my blog for now in order to refresh my mind and be able to come up with better ideas. I don't know if I'll be missed but I know some people like reading my posts weekly so just hold out for a while! I'll be back sooner than you think!

"Sometimes a break from routine is the very thing you need."


Why Guys are Better Friends.

So I feel like I've spoken about this issue in my 'Boys. Boys. Boys' blog post but I just wanted to address the reason as to why I prefer my lads over my girls.

1. Guys don't start arguments with me.
This is one of the best things about having male friends. Never do I have to worry about falling out with my lads. If we disagree on something, within an hour we've already gone back to talking. I'm just assuming this though, I've never fallen out with any of my boys hehe.

2. They know what's best for me.
Boys give the best advice when I need it. It's precise and truthful. That's all I need. I don't need someone beating around the bush with their words.

3. They never get tired of telling me what I need to know.
Boys are brutally honest with me. They will never fail to tell me when I need to move on and when I need to stop being a little baby. They'll knock me down with the truth and will always make me realise what I'm doing wrong.

4. They ACTUALLY know how to keep a secret.
MY boys that I love and trust will never repeat whatever I tell them - NEVER and because of this I treasure them dearly. Most likely they'll be on my side and defend me at all times when needed.

5. They will talk about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING.
Boys will have any conversation they like with you. Whatever it is, they will talk about it regardless of what you say.

6. They don't judge how much I eat.
Now this one I love. I will eat like crazy in front of boys. It sounds stupid but I know they don't care how much food is going down my throat.

I think these are suitable reasons on why guys are great friends compared to girls. Agree or disagree it's your choice. In my eyes this is what I prefer and trust me you don't get judged as being a certain type of girl and if you do stand your ground. I'm happy with the girls in my life, but I do prefer my lads every once in a while.

"Yes I hang out with guys. Why? Because it's less drama."

Being Angry.

If you're a REALLY close friend of mine, you'll know that I am easily angered at ANYTHING that I don't agree with. I can't help it, but sometimes people just know how to push my buttons. I AM SICK & TIRED of being so easily angered. It's annoying and sometimes it just drains the life out of me.

I don't know exactly why I'm writing this post, as I can't sum up good ways to be slow to anger. This post just happens to allow me to let all my anger out on my keyboard. I just wanted a place to type what I feel and this is what this post is for.

You know that face that everyone makes when they've been pissed off? Yeah that's one of my many faces that I pull quite often haha. I can't help being like this as I said before. I don't know what it is. I may come across as really nice and warming, but I feel for people when they have crossed me the wrong way. Most people will get the silent treatment, whereas there is a selected few that will see me be vocal towards them. Any negative emotion that I receive through my body tends to express itself as anger. Sometimes it's sadness first, but I guarantee when that's over I become so angry and it's out of my control. I haven't really learnt how to express my anger in a non-destructive way. When I mean this, I'm not saying that I get into a fight or anything like that, but I tend to beat myself up a lot. Even doing all this and hoping that it would go after time... it doesn't and it still takes a lot of effort for me to understand why I'm so angry.

In my opinion, the best method for expressing my anger, for me, is to write. I remember being little and writing in my diary about my feelings for that day and it always made me feel better about myself. Nowadays I blog. I don't really blog about how I'm feeling, except for this post, but I just blog whatever is on my mind just to get it out there and out of my head. It doesn't take a genius to understand that most of the time that I'm angry at myself. Whenever someone has made me furious, usually at first I blame myself 95% of the time. I've always been like this as I always knew that whatever had happened, it is my fault and in some cases it isn't yet I still continue blame myself.

I think I'll end there as I feel like I got out what I wanted to say, but I don't really have a summary of how I can become being slow to anger. If anyone has the same issues as me feel free to advise myself  on how you cope with your anger. Sometimes it's good to listen to other people's opinions and who knows, maybe I'll keep calmer at situations that may occur in my future.

"For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind."

I don't like Anxiety.

Disclaimer: Before I devour into this topic, I just want to state that I haven't been medically diagnosed as having Anxiety. I get the motions and the feelings towards it when it comes to certain circumstances. I don't have medication for it or anything like that. I really want to make it clear that Anxiety is usually rare for me to experience but sometimes I'll have a big episode of it when placed in a situation that I am not comfortable with.

Firstly, I want to share what I personally think Anxiety is. Anxiety is when you get this overwhelming feeling where many things can go wrong. To me, it's when you're unsure of what the outcome will be when placed in a hard situation and somehow tests you mentally to see how you would react to it. It can also be an overflowing emotion of nervousness when it comes to situations that you're uncomfortable and unfamiliar with. I believe anxiety is the constant fear of not being what everyone else wants you to be and not being able to prove to others that you can be this and that. This then relays back into your mind & makes you believe that whatever you do won't be good enough for the judgement of others. I think that explains it quite well in my opinion. I don't know about you but what I've just said makes the word have so much meaning now.

Back to the blog!

The small, and I mean small, type of Anxiety I go through is really basic. When I mean basic, I mean that I easily get upset over small things that usually I could brush off or I get SUPER uncomfortable in situations. I have no idea why I'm letting my experiences out to the public to read, but I feel like this post needs to be written so I can remove this heavy burden from my life. The other day I got really anxious to be a photographer for an event that my friend put together. It was a small event and all I had to do was get portraits of people and capture action shots - simple. Now being a photographer, all this should come natural to me but I had no idea who was going to be there and what the people there would think of me. It sounds silly to other people reading who don't understand, but I do have a fear of being judged by anyone. I always think to myself "why is this person staring at me?" or "I wonder what are they thinking about the way I look or how does my personality come across to them?"

If any of my friends read this, I'm 100% sure that they're going to be confused and they should be. I never showed signs of this before as I am the SOCIAL one of the group. Now I know that this isn't making any sense, but I know how I am around certain people and certain situations. When I had training for work recently, I knew no one. I sat down on a table with a bunch of strangers & sat in silence while they all spoke to each other. I might be wrong calling all this anxiety but I feel like this is what it is. I get all shy, quiet and I don't say anything at first because I'm not sure how I'll come across to certain people. Afterwards, when I've actually settled in, I become that bubbly person that everyone knows and loves. Just typing this post makes me annoyed as it just seems that this is something so simple yet it has really effected my life. Before adapting to change, whenever I got upset I would just sit upstairs in silence and in the dark. I never wanted dinner and I would just go to bed early as I knew sleeping would just take me to the next day.

Reading this back, it all just seems like nonsense to me. The other day I got upset with someone and I just broke down. I let them know that it would be okay for them to not be my friend anymore. I apologised for being a burden and that it's fine for them to continue their life without me in it. What person says that to a friend? Of course the next day I regretted it all and took it all back. You see some days you can't control your emotions anymore. They overpower you and you have to just deal with wherever it will take you. I associate what happened with me the other day as 'Paranoia'. I am not saying that I have Paranoia. I just went through an intense cycle of letting one of my closest friends know that they don't need me anymore. I kept questioning why they stuck by my side for so long and I couldn't snap out of it. It's a dark place to be and by the help of various people you CAN get out of it.

*I feel like a massive weight has been lifted off my shoulders after writing all of this*

I'm not perfect. I have my sad days, but I know how to deal with them. I know that I can easily jump from being on cloud 9 to feeling like I'm buried 10ft under. I don't mean that literally, but I'm assuming that this is a feeling as if you're buried under all your emotions. I hope that I don't get judged by this post. I know some family members read my blog and I don't want this to come across as a shock to them. I am fine. I promise you all that this is true. I haven't felt so good in such a long time and that's because of the people that I'm surrounded by! :)

A friend of mine wrote a blog post about anxiety & it really got me thinking. In fact, it ended up being such a good read, so hopefully it might become a good read to anyone who comes across this post.

➡️ Wanderlust: Anxiety ⬅️

"Worrying doesn't take away tomorrow's troubles, it takes away today's peace."

Where does your loyalty lie?

Being loyal is something that everyone needs to have.

It's hard enough to find loyal friends period. Finding people that are actually willing to listen to what you have to say, who are interested in you, that are happy for you and who know you extremely well are the people you really need to keep within your life. In life, it is in school where we make the most amount of friends. A lot of the time people think that just because you are with them for a certain amount of years means that they will be loyal to you. NAH. I know so many people who I thought had my back, but best believe me they LEFT my life just like that. I find it so important for me to cut off people who aren't capable of being a good friend to me regardless.

Preserving relationships with people takes up a lot of time and energy and sometimes with certain people it just isn't worth it. My advice to people trying to cut off friends that don't fit into their lifestyle is to let them fade out. Don't just be straight with them and be like "bye Felicia" just like that (unless you're brutal then go for it I won't stand in your way). When it comes to fading people out just begin to slowly lose contact with them. If you always saw this person constantly, just stop making time to go out and chill with them.

*wow I feel like I'm giving out the worst advice EVER but trust me it makes so much sense*

All I'm saying is learn to not always be associated with that friend that doesn't have your back. If you know that this person isn't loyal to you then why are you making time within this so-called friendship. Invest that time and energy in people that make you happy and give back what you give to them. I advise you to keep your friendship standards high - otherwise you'll be associated with god-knows-who and everyone knows that reputation is everything. By lowering your standards when it comes to friendships, your own surroundings get affected followed by your emotional state of mind.

So even if you find loads of great friends, chances are that they will change, and so will you. I don't think that all friendships are meant to last forever - it's just that you need to find a friend who suits your current stage of life. Nevertheless this can mean one friend that has kept by your side all your life. So, don't fret you just need to keep looking :)

"Loyalty is rare... If you find it, keep it."

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My Bucket List!

My Bucket List!

This post is a more of an impulse-type blog as usually I pre-write up my blogs in detail. Instead I'm going to be carefree and just blog about something so simple thus I have decided on writing about My Bucket List. 

A Bucket List is when you plan to do a number of experiences or achievements that you hope to accomplish during their life.

I'm sure everyone knows what it means but it never hurts to provide information ;)

What I want to accomplish in my life:

1. Skydive out of a Plane!
2. Go to Times Square in New York for New Years Eve!
3. Go to the top of the Eiffel Tower!
4. Travel abroad with my Best Friend!
5. Learn to stop being so afraid & to start living instead!
6. Go on a Road Trip!
7. Be apart of a Flash Mob!
8. To meet Queen B aka BeyoncĂ©! (a girl can dream!)
9. To become a Home Owner!
10. To spend over a month in Australia!

"I haven't been everywhere, but it's on my list!"

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